Tough Topic

First let me tell you the latest events:
July 25, 2017, Tuesday @ 10:00 am
Presentation with Dr. Nancy Fox at Elkridge Elementary School.
July 30, 2017, Sunday 11:00 am - 6:00pm
Pagan Pride Day in Martinsburg WVA at Mason Dixon Historical Park, 79 Buckeye Road, Maidsville, West Virginia .
Tough topic
This morning I am pondering, not lightly, the topic of how Lyme disease changes the lives of couples.
There seems to be many couples who go through many facets of emotional difficulty when one or the other partner get Lyme disease. Not many couples stay together during the healing process. It is a hard road to go on. It definitely tests all facets of a relationship.
There have been discussions about how Lyme disease can be transmitted through sexual contact. (It is also congenital for those thinking about having children). This brings up the difficulties of communicating with your partner about the disease and all the emotional side effects occurring during times of intimacy.
On one hand, it seems basic knowledge to practice safe sex. There are those who did not know they had Lyme and may have infected their partners unknowingly. It is a scary topic boggling the minds of single people and married couples alike. In writing, this I am having a lot of mixed emotions so I figure it is an important topic to deal with.
Let me do this on a personal basis:
When I found out I have Lyme disease I was a bit stunned and had no idea it was communicable. My husband and I are a typical loving couple and carried on our relationship as we always had. We began to talk about things but went through phases and not necessarily at the same time.
It was a bit later I had found out about the nature of the disease.
This was many years after I had my children and been active with my husband. To say I was riddled with guilt, shame and many questions, well, undeniable. What had I done to my family unknowingly? How do I ever get over the possibility I gave this disease to my loved ones? It is devastating.
Here is the good news: They have been tested regularly and have come back negative for Lyme disease. Do I still worry? Everyday. Is it far from my mind?  Nope.
I am learning to cope with all the emotions moment by moment as things come up. I also talk with my husband openly about this subject so understanding and compassion for each other is practiced during our lifelong commitment to each other. Easy? Hell no. Frustrating? Hell yes.
So not only has my drive been messed up by crappy symptoms occurring during this disease, but it has been depleted by the emotional side effects. Crap! I love my husband so much, but how do I go back to being wildly passionate when I don’t feel that way? Will I ever feel beautiful again? Will I have a sex drive again? So many questions.
 It takes time. It takes finding ways to bring myself back from fear and panic and putting myself in my husband’s place. My husband also has told me we have a lot more than sex invested in our marriage. His support is so crucial through this journey.
There is no way to explain how important it is to have someone accept you and just be there. Little everyday things bring joy: a cup of coffee together, a small conversation about things going on in the day can make me feel so much more comfortable in my own skin.
I saw my body as hideous due to the weight put on from this disease. I saw my mind unattractive from the loss of memory and inability to speak properly. My confidence was shattered due to the loss of friends, family, and acquaintances from being sick. All of this adds up and gives a self-image that can be distorted
It is hard for others who do not have the disease to understand the depth of these problems. Never in a million years will I belittle anyone else’s symptoms because I know how much it hurts when people belittle mine. Before I truly understood about this disease, I didn’t “get it”. The saying, “You don’t get it until you get it, is so true.
I will leave you with this thought. Imagine living with someone who has trouble speaking, cannot tell you thoughts, wants to be with you but is afraid to touch you, hides bruises and rashes from you in fear. These are things a Lyme patient goes through. And more…
Many blessings,
Christina